Thursday, March 31, 2011

I realized today

It hit me like a bolt of lightening today... Safety is not really the best thing to wish for our offspring.  I want my son to be safe.  I don't want him in the middle east.  I don't want him gone for a year.  I don't want him to not see his infant daughter for a year, and be away from his wife... etc.  

But then I thought - he could be "safe" in prison.  He could be "safe" on his sofa collecting unemployment.  He could be "safe" doing a million different things that wouldn't be the best thing for him.

I don't know what's best.  I don't know the mind of God.  I just know that I cannot impose my will on my life and the lives of those I love.  I just don't know what is best, even though I think I do most of the time.  

I can pray, and I can be as helpful as I can (without being overbearing) to my daughter-in-law and new precious grandbaby.  That is a good use of my time and energy.  


  1. " I just know that I cannot impose my will on my life and the lives of those I love."
    ~~~Mary Christine, in thought

    This line struck me as something Our Father in Heaven would pen.
    Without free will, there can be no love.
    His gift of free will means simply that those who love Him, CHOOSE to do so.
    It is called genuine love.
    Not forced upon.

    But there was a decent lad who loved sex, and all the pleasures of the flesh.
    His mom, was just like you.
    She wanted her son to BE a certain thing or person (in her case, she desired purity). But in both of these mommas, there is a desire to intervene in lives that belong to God.

    Good news!
    He likes that a lot.
    Free will can lead people astray from Him, or, in the case of your son, place them in situations that are less than ideal, to parenting, marriage, family life, church time, and more.

    So God created intercessory prayer.
    Simply put, if the person does not or will not pray, to be in accordance with God's Will, God will not intervene.
    But if a believer prays intercessory prayer, God uses this intercession, as a means for Him to trump free will....because He was asked to do so.

    The impure son?
    His name was St. Augustine, but he was hardly a saint for the bulk of his life.

    His mother was Monica, and Monica knew intercessory prayer. She spoke to God of intervening in the free will of her son, who was proclaiming "Oh Lord, make me pure......but NOT YET".
    He wanted the sins of the flesh until just before he died, and then magically be saved.

    Monica's prayers trumped that and God created an early church author out of this guy.

    Your own intercessory prayer for your son, will allow God to do His will, NOT because your son asked, but because YOU asked. Intercession trumps free will as God listens to the prayer, says "Step aside, please! I have been waiting for someone to ask me and now I will intervene". His intervention is perfect always.

    Now about this daughter in law and baby, I will have to pull a St. Augustine here and tell you I was a single parent too. That's my "Confessions", eh?
    The older daughter tended to need less care than a two year old, and I was chided for paying so much attention to the younger.

    But her needs were greater, and I had spent as much time as before, when the older was younger. It goes with the territory.

    Your daughter in law shares something in common with you; a missing husband/son, and a child who needs care.
    She is shy and aloof, but that can be from her family upbringing as much or more than your interactions.

    Tell her that you know there are times she needs just for her. You will take the baby so that she has that time, be it for haircut/styling stuff, shopping, a night out, or time to compose a letter to your son, with the latest pictures of the child.
    [Make some creative coupons for Mother's Day gift].

    I know I was desperate for a night off many times, and folks jump at taking care of single moms, but who do you know that helps single dads?

    This is a year to draw close as a family....a gift from God, if you will.

    But you must plan with wisdom and discernment, and that is only and always from the Holy Spirit.


  2. the rest.....

    Perhaps she will join you in church, I dunno.
    But it seems to me that if you read her an innocuous story with a lesson in it, such as this one:

    then, an opportunity to discuss things together from a third party reference becomes available. And talk, builds relationship.

    Given the nature of your son's station, I would never stop safety prayers, and protection. That is easy, yet powerful and effective.

    You are learning that your son was never yours, but God's child, and you are letting go.

    Your daughter in law, in her wildest dreams, can not fathom the same is true for your grandchild, her child.

    Let her know the power of prayer when two or more pray, and invite her to be the "two". I can assure you she is lonely.

    Loneliness is an awareness from God, that He longs to be in fellowship with us, as we long to be in fellowship with one another. It is a gift He created to show us He wants our love and companionship, and He is lonely without it. A time will come when the Holy Spirit moves you to tell her that God is lonely.....for her.

    This is a special time for the three of you as your son is gone.
    Augustine, acquired the moniker "Saint", solely due to his momma, Monica.

    I suspect a momma named Mary can top that! And, I suspect when the relationship with this gal is better, your headaches will lessen too.
    Be well.

  3. I always struggled to hand my children over to the care of God. The day my second son nearly died, I managed to. The grace we need arrives when we need it, not before, I have found. I was so tempted to drink the day before my son was attacked. Thank God I didn't. No triggers, just an overwhelming temptation for no reason. Had I picked up, my son would not have received anointing of the sick...............I see now, I must be prepared in mind and body, to receive God's grece and power, . Gosh, thanks Mary C, I've just realised something very important for me, from your post!

    I am taking a break from many family situations at the moment.

  4. You just said very well, the inner struggle of a mother! the letting go thing never gets any easier...God Bless you. We can pray for one another!

  5. You can't stop being a mother. I think it's ok to worry and certainly to pray. I just want you to know it's not as bad as you might think in Kuwait.

  6. Manny, I don't think Kuwait is bad. If that were his final destination, I would be tremendously relieved. But that is just where he goes to find out where he is going. It might be Kuwait - my person prayer is that it is - or Iraq or Afghanistan.

    And thanks for everyone's prayers.

  7. Oh I didn't realize that. Afghanistan is obviously bad and Iraq is somewhere in between. I shall pray for him.

  8. Praying for you and your family.

    God bless.