Friday, May 27, 2011

Secret

I am so frightened.

This is something I have told ONLY my best friend.  No one else.

But now I am going to post it on the internet.  But I feel I need your prayers.

I met a man.  (that could probably be the first sentence in every tragic story of my life.)

Three years ago I signed up for "CatholicMatch.com" and met no one.  I didn't even desire to meet anyone on there.  So, I stopped paying, but never found a way to remove my profile.  So, every now and then someone will send me a message.

Two weeks ago, someone sent me a message.  When I looked at his profile, I was interested enough to pay the monthly membership fee in order to open his message.  We e-mailed back and forth for a bit.  Last week we met for breakfast.  We had a great time, nice, easy conversation and lots of laughter.

Tonight we are going on a bona fide date.

I haven't been on a date for three years.  The last date I went on ended in a car accident.

I have spent the last three years really focusing on getting closer to Jesus and finding out what obedience means.   I think I have a much clearer idea now... like I can't just do what I feel like doing and figure "God loves me and forgives me."

In Biblical School or at Mass sometime maybe not so recently, someone, maybe a priest, maybe a teacher (I just don't remember) said something that I DO remember.  The question was "how do you know what you are called to be?"  The answer was "what is it that your heart desires?"  If you desire to be married, that is your calling.  If you desire to be a priest or nun, that is your calling.

When I was young, I wanted more than anything to be a nun.  But the minute alcohol hit my lips, that desire was gone.  Alcohol and marriage made some kind of mix that I tried (repeatedly).  I have now been nearly 27 years without a drink.  It has now been 18 years since I have been married.

I think I know that I was at least at one time called to be married.  I may have ruined all chances at that.  But I have spent the last 18 years trying to clean up the wreckage.  I am close to being "eligible" to be married in the church.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

This man is Catholic, he does not drink, our conversations are easy and nice.  And I am going on a date tonight.  God help me.

11 comments:

  1. Good for you!! I can tell that you really ARE scared, but try to relax and just enjoy yourself!! I'll keep you in my prayers! It IS exciting though, right?!?! You'll do fine...don't rush things and just have a nice time!! :o)
    Lindy

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  2. 'The last date I went on ended in a car accident.'

    All my relationships end up as car crashes!

    Oh boy, this is exciting stuff. I wonder what you will wear? That would scare me....

    Just be yourself Mary C. You can always go to Mass and watch him? That will give you a good idea. Plus make him start praying the rosary, if he doesn't already.

    Well, ok, don't 'make' him, but encourage him. Our Lady is the best mother in law around!!!

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  3. This is exciting! My brother in law met his wife through a dating service and they've been happy for years. Just be yourself because that's who you are. I hope you have a nice time.

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  4. Wow, you are gutsy! Good for you! Enjoy and let us know how it goes.

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  5. I have always believed that God helps us know our vocation by giving us an affinity for it. Because your past relationships were not good, doesn't mean you were never called to be married. You are at quite a different point in your life now--trust Jesus that He wouldn't sit by while you steer off a cliff--you yourself know a whole lot better now than then. If He is trying to give you a good gift, don't be so afraid that you miss it! Maybe the gift will just be that you gain a good friend, or that you recognize that something wasn't right...OR that you may have met someone who will become a great support and a big part of your life. I do pray it will be a wonderful evening and you will have a great time and just feel happy!

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  6. Oh, you guys are so nice. You have given me the benefit of too much kindness.

    I am not worried about having fun, or being myself.

    I am worried about losing myself and losing my laser focus on my faith. I am so easily distracted by "a man."

    Praying real hard and I appreciate any of your prayers too.

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  7. Enjoy your date, Mary Christine! With the wisdom you have gained over the years I don't think you will lose yourself or your focus on your faith but I will certainly pray for you :)

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  8. Oh my goodness. I just had the best time. He is such a gentleman! We had a wonderful dinner and then walked around - one of those new "downtown" areas. It was a beautiful evening. We will see each other again on Sunday. I do like this guy :)

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  9. I'm glad you had a good time!

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  10. That's great. Best of luck!

    (This is Manny and I have not been able to log into blogger. It's been a week long problem and they've even set up a discussion site for it. Appears quite of few people have not been able to log in. I see you guys all have.)

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