Friday of the First Week of Advent

St. Jude Catholic Church, Lakewood, Colorado - my parish!

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew 9:27-31

As Jesus passed by, two blind men followed him, crying out, "Son of David, have pity on us!"  When he entered the house, the blind men approached him and Jesus said to them, "Do you believe that I can do this?" "Yes, Lord," they said to him.  Then he touched their eyes and said, "Let it be done for you according to your faith."  And their eyes were opened.  Jesus warned them sternly, "See that no one knows about this."  But they went out and spread word of him through all that land.

Let it be done for you according to your faith.  I can imagine that I would have one eye's sight restored, or some sight, but mostly fuzzy, if healed according to my faith.   But their blindness was healed.  

And then they went out and told everyone - although they had been warned sternly not to by Jesus.  

Is there one person in the Gospels who doesn't let Our Lord down?  As I ponder this question, the only person who comes to mind is Mary.  Everyone else let him down or even betrayed him.  And yet, he went to the cross for them, and us.  Even me.  

---------------------------------------------------------

I overslept this morning - slept until 5 a.m. instead of my usual 4 a.m. - and I need to be at mass at 6:30 - so I need to skedaddle.  I will endeavor to have faith to have Jesus heal my vision today.

Thursday of the First Week of Advent

Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church, San Antonio, Texas

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew  7:21, 24-27

Jesus said to his disciples:  "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the Kindgom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

"Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.  The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house.  But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock.  And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand.  The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house.  And it collapsed and was completely ruined."

The will of God.  How can I know if I am truly doing the will of God, or if I am just deluding myself?   I have done some strange things in my life, being convinced it was the will of God.  When I was following popular culture and its endless self-absorption.  When it was all about me and how I felt.   

Later, when I spent a lot more time reading scripture and getting humble about my importance in this world, I came to a different view.  I don't claim to know what the will of God is, but I can kind of tell what it isn't.  If I am worried about myself and "what's in it for me," I am probably not doing God's will. If, however, I am doing things I don't feel like doing (like following all Ten of the Commandments), or not doing things I feel like doing (like bad-mouthing my co-workers and thereby ensuring justice in the workplace!)  - I think I am probably getting closer.  

I want my house to be built on solid rock and to stand firm.  It is my heart's desire.

Wednesday of the First Week in Advent

St. Anthony Catholic Church, Long Beach, California

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew  15:29-37

At that time:  Jesus walked by the Sea of Galilee, went up on the mountain, and sat down there.  Great crowds came to him, having with them the lame, the blind, the deformed, the mute, and many others.  they placed them at his feet, and he cured them.  The crowds were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the deformed made whole, the lame walking, and the blind able to see, and they glorified the God of Israel.

Jesus summoned his disciples and said, "My heart is moved with pity for the crowd, for they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat.  I do not want to send them away hungry, for fear they may collapse on the way."  The disciples said to him, "Where could we ever get enough bread in this deserted place to satisfy such a crowd?"  Jesus said to them, "How many loaves do you have?" "Seven," they replied, "and a few fish."  He ordered the crowd to sit down on the ground.  Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, gave thanks, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds.  they all ate and were satisfied.  They picked up the fragments left over -- seven baskets full. 

As I reflect on this reading, I get completely side tracked by my background and experience:  I left the church for a number of years after Vatican II coincided with my own crazy years of late teens and early 20s.  I was confused and it felt to me that the church was confused.  I longed to go to mass that actually "felt" like mass.  I couldn't understand why this place of holiness had suddenly turned into a free-for-all - singing Bob Dylan songs- paraphrased for church.  I just didn't understand, got angry, and left.

When I came back to the fold, I found a church that felt welcoming to me.  It was a very modern church, no pews, no kneelers, no lots of things.  The priests were wonderful and helped me tremendously.   I went to mass daily until necessity forced me back to full time employment - and even then I attended daily mass as often as possible.  Later I moved across town and found another church.

But when I really pondered this reading this morning, I was struck by the memory of the homily about the loaves and the fishes by one of those priests I loved so much.  He explained away the miracle, very logically, very compellingly.  He explained that in that time and place, there were not McDonald's and Burger Kings on every corner.  When people traveled, they carried food with them.  He explained that when they passed around the seven loaves and few fish, people unfastened their bags of carried food and shared.  And that was how, he posited, they ended up with baskets-full left over.  

I believed that - and many other things that priest said.  He taught the first Bible class I ever attended.  He studied in Rome.  He was brilliant.  He was funny.  He helped me tremendously.

And now he is in prison for abusing young men in that parish.  

Now I read this passage and understand that it wasn't some kind of holy sleight of hand to get people to share their food.  It was a miracle performed by Our Lord Jesus Christ.  It prefigures the Eucharist.  He will not leave us hungry.  He will feed us.  

I hope no one reads this as my commentary on Vatican II or the clergy abuse scandal.  I am just sharing my own experience with these things.  How we are influenced by the people who have been in our lives.  Again, I am so incredibly grateful that God has allowed me to live long enough to get back to the Holy Catholic Church, and to come to a real faith in the real true God.  Miracles and all.  

Feast of Saint Andrew

St. Stephen Catholic Church, Glenwood Springs, Colorado (stained glass with St. Maria Faustina)

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew   4:18-22

As Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon who is called Peter, and his brother Andrew, casting a net into the sea; they were fishermen.  He said to them, "Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men."  At once they left their nets and followed him.  He walked along from there and saw two other brothers, James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John.  They were in a boat, with their father Zebedee, mending their nets.  He called them, and immediately they left their boat and their father and followed him. 

These four men were called by Jesus and immediately left what they were doing and followed him. Immediately - both accounts use this adverb.  They didn't finish what they were doing.  They didn't go to the bank and settle up accounts so they could take a "leave of absence."  They just turned from what they were doing and followed Jesus.  I love this because they aren't doing anything wrong, not even anything shady.  They were engaged in a noble profession, fishing.  They weren't asked to turn away from something evil, but something good.  They were asked to become "fishers of men" which I think would be infinitely better than being fishers of fish.  Sometimes I need to turn away from something "good" in order to find something infinitely better.  

On this Advent Journey, I am attempting to empty myself of what I have contented myself with as "good" and turn to the ultimate good.   I want to (eventually) go to live forever in heaven with Our Lord Jesus Christ.  This has been such a slow process for me, I hope I have a number of years before I am called to judgement.  When I think back to what I thought was "good enough" even just a few years ago, I am embarrassed.  I am so grateful that God has given me more years to turn toward him.  I hope that I can continue to grow into the woman God would like me to be.  

Monday of the First Week in Advent

(Light of the World Catholic Church - Littleton, Colorado)

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew  8:5-11

When Jesus entered Capernaum, a centurion approached him and appealed to him, saying "Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, suffering dreadfully."  He said to him, "I will come and cure him."  The centurion said in reply, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed.  For I too am a man subject to authority, with soldiers subject to me.  And I say to one, 'Go,' and he goes; and to another, 'Come here,' and he comes; and to my slave, 'Do this,' and he does it."  When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, "Amen, I say to you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith.  I say to you, many will come from the east and the west, and will recline with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the banquet in the Kingdom of heaven."  

This is a Gospel reading that highlights for me my limitations.  When I read of the centurion showing such faith, I imagine Jesus not focusing on the depth of this man's faith, but focusing on the fact that he is largely rejected by his own people and yet an outsider can accept him and his authority.   In my life when the "wrong" people have been there, I have not focused so much on gratitude for them, but instead selfishly wondered where the "right" people were.   St. Luke's Gospel (7:1-10) gives more information about the centurion, the elders of the Jews said of him "He is worthy to have you do this for him, for he loves our nation, and he built us our synagogue."  Still, Jesus is astonished by his faith.

And from this centurion's words, we have such a pivotal moment in our Liturgy: "Domine, non sum dignus ut intres sub tectum meum, sed tantum dic verbo, et sanabitur anima mea"  (Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul will be healed.) ccc 1386.  His words are echoed throughout the centuries, every single day throughout the world.  What great comfort they have brought me, as I have pondered my unworthiness to receive Our Lord in Holy Communion, to pray the centurion's words has reminded me that none of us are truly worthy, and yet we are loved and welcomed.  Which encourages me to endeavor to be as worthy as I can, with the help of God.  

                 Another metanote:  I do not presume to teach any readers I may be blessed enough to have about the Sacred Scripture, but I am taking a huge leap to just write my understanding of it.  Hopefully I will gain more understanding as I spend more time reading and praying.    I am in my fourth year of a four year  Biblical School.  I thought I would be a Bible scholar at the end of four years !  HA!  I now realize that I can spend my life studying Scripture and just hope to scratch the surface.  What a wonderful thing to do!  Wonderful, wonderful.

And thank you for your comments yesterday.  What a welcoming community you are!

The photo of the cross in the snow is in honor of seeing snow start this morning at about 4:30 a.m., big beautiful white snowflakes!  

The First Sunday of Advent

(Co-Cathedral of the Sacred Heart, Houston, Texas)

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew 24:37-44

Jesus said to his disciples: "as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.  In those days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day that Noah entered the ark.  They did not know until the flood came and carried them all away.  So will it be also at the coming of the Son of Man.  Two men will be out in the field; one will be taken, and one will be left.  Two women will be grinding at the mill one will be taken, and one will be left.  Therefore, stay awake!  For you do not know on which day your Lord will come.  Be sure of this:  if the master of the house had known the hour of night when the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and not let his house be broken into.  So too, you also must be prepared, for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come."  

As I prepare for Christmas, I must remember what it truly means to "prepare for Christmas."  It means that I am preparing for the coming of Christ.  It does not mean that I am absorbing television commercials telling me what I need to buy.  It also does not mean making lists of all that I must frantically accomplish before December 25 so that I can ensure the happiness of myself and everyone I love.  

I do not know the hour.  How frequently is that in gospels!  So, I need to be prepared every single day.  Every single minute of every single day.  

                    metanote:  This is my first post on this blog.  I have read the blogs of others who have the courage to put themselves out there as Catholic bloggers.  I have wanted to do the same.  But I felt unworthy.  I wondered what I could possibly have to contribute to the body of Catholic Blogging.  I expressed this on another blog and someone came and said that I am worthy to post my thoughts on my faith.  And then he clinched it when he said that his blogging has brought him deeper into the faith.  I do so want that.  I don't feel that I have anything great to contribute, but I know I have much to learn.  I will try this for the four weeks of Advent and see where the Journey takes me.  Thank you and God Bless You.